EMOTIONAL MUSCLES, PART 3: STRENGTHENING SELF-REGULATION
by Daniel Bae
In our March newsletter, we explored emotional awareness, the first step in building emotional fitness. Now, it’s time to turn to the next essential skill: self-regulation. While recognizing our emotions is important, learning how to manage and respond to those emotions in a healthy way is just as vital.
Why Self-Regulation Matters
Self-regulation is the ability to stay calm under stress and prevent emotions from controlling one's actions. It doesn’t mean suppressing one's feelings; instead, it means pausing, understanding, and choosing one's response with intention. When we strengthen this emotional muscle, we improve our relationships, make wiser decisions, and reduce stress in our everyday lives.
Tools to Strengthen Self-Regulation
Just like any workout, self-regulation takes practice. Here are a few simple exercises to help you get started:
1. Pause Before You React
When emotions rise quickly, practice the art of the pause.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“What am I feeling right now, and what would be a thoughtful way to respond?”
A brief pause can prevent impulsive reactions and make space for more intentional choices.
2. Name the Emotion to Tame It
Putting a name to what you’re feeling helps reduce its intensity.
Instead of “I’m mad,” try:
“I feel hurt because I didn’t feel heard.”
Labeling emotions can reduce their power and help you understand their source.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Instead of criticizing yourself for having strong emotions, try speaking kindly to yourself.
Say:
“It’s okay to feel this way. I’m learning to handle this better.”
Self-compassion helps us stay grounded and resilient in moments of emotional difficulty.
4. Try the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique
This calming technique activates the body’s relaxation response.
Inhale for 4 seconds
Hold for 7 seconds
Exhale slowly for 8 seconds
Just a few cycles can help bring your nervous system back into balance.
Looking Ahead: Emotional Fitness for Life
With emotional awareness and self-regulation, you’re already building lasting emotional strength. Like any muscle, it grows through practice, not perfection.
Even in challenging moments, we’re not alone. Scripture reminds us:
“Better a patient person than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” — Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)
Self-regulation takes courage. And if you ever long for more profound healing, talking with a therapist can be a gentle, hopeful next step. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
So, here’s a question to carry with you:
“How can I practice self-regulation today, with kindness and intention?”
Thank you for walking this journey of emotional muscles. May it lead you toward strength, healing, and peace.